I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
