Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
