I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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