But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
