Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
