The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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