No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
