the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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