I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
