If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
