so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
did i walk over a car last night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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