No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
