I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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