We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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