I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Everyone says I win the strip club
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
