He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
