Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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