Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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