She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
