Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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