Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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