READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
