Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
