Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
