Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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