Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
