TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
