I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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