just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
