3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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