Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
