whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
