your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
