every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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