I think I won the penis lottery.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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