Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
