so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
