Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
