I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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