She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
this is an emotional support booty call
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
