i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
