I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
