You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
