Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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