TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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