By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
