you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
