She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so let's talk penis.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
