I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
