his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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