i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
