I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
