Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
