Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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